Douche #10: Glen Beck is a traitorous Douche who hates our country

Hey Kids,

So that Glen Beck, the drunk, racist and unpatriotic white fuck who cries about his ass-pains, had a brilliant idea the other day.  He openly stated on his F$%#ed News Channel show that he wanted California to be kicked out of the Union.  Why?   Because we well, dis-agree with his facist ideas.  You know... we care about our environment, respect others, etc.  

Crooks and Liars has the video if you can stomach it, but here's a transcript.

Beck: OK, there's something driving me to the edge of insanity, makes blood shoot right out my eyes, and that is California.

California today, they voted against offshore drilling. Not on their land, or their shore, no. They also voted last week to raise emissions standards because it's too smoggy there and they care about the trees. Also, uh, in the stimulus, we found out today, it appears as though Hollywood can get a, um, bailout, from you and me, because nobody's going to see their movies. Hmmph! You'd think maybe they should just make better movies, and then we'd all go. But no no, let's bail them all out.

The Civil War taught us that, apparently, U.S. states can't secede from the Union. I'd like to test that one again maybe sometime. But what I'd like to know is if the Union has the right to kick out states. Because if so, I'd like to take a star right out of our flag, and California is it.

He goes on to cut out slices from a cake shaped like the US, aiming at  the states he doesn't like (while making a crack calling his camera man fat... have you seen your ass lately Beck). 

Listen Beck, you're an ass.  A fucking little insignifciant asshole.  

DOUCHE BOMB THIS ASS KIDS: me@glennbeck.com

Do the Republicans REALLY have a leg to stand on?

Hey All,

Go over and check out this post on the Existentialist Cowboy. It is a great extention of a topic of one my earlier posts.

From the post:

Senate goppers oppose what may be a last chance to save the US from the Bush/Reagan legacy of idiocy. GOP opposition to Obama's stimulus bill has lambasted a 'debt' that they say will be inherited by future generations.

Pinch me!

I did not hear those arguments when Ronald Reagan tripled the national debt and doubled the Federal Bureaucracy. I did not hear those arguments when Reagan's tax cut was followed quickly by a depression of some two years --the worst, longest and deepest since Herbert Hoover's Great Depression of 1929.

UPDATE: So it appears that not only are the House Republicans throwing stones while living in a glass house, but they're fucking CELEBRATING their obstructionism.

From AmericaBlog:

This says so much about the culture in Washington. You'd like to think that members of Congress are looking out for the nation's good and the well being of their constituents. The Republicans sure aren't. Based on several news reports, it's clear the House Republicans are reveling in the united opposition to the economic recovery package.

This must seem bizarre to most people, especially those who are struggling and have lost their jobs or homes (or both). Everyone seems concerned as the economy continues to tank. Yet, the Republicans are having a party because they all voted against saving the economy. Wow.

Dick Alert: Dick Armey (With an added Douche Bomb!)

Hey Kids,

Is it just me or is the sexist, racist, eltist colors of the neo-conservative movement being revealed with each passing day of the Obama Administration?  We've already talked about Rush Hudson Limbaugh III, but even low level hacks are letting all pretense of decency fall to the way-side.  

Case in point.  Ex-Representative Dick Armey's display of blatant sexist taunts on yesterday's Hardball.  You see, Dick was debating Joan Walsh from Salon about the stimulus package.  As soon as Joan was cleaning the floor with him, Dick jumped in with this doozey:

Armey: Oh, give it a rest.

Walsh: President Obama, please stop saying 'give it a rest.' Do you have any anything else to say? President Obama has a mandate for change. (Armey laughs again) Your people have stood in his way. They are standing in his way in Capitol hill right now and Rush Limbaugh is making ridiculous statements and Republicans are crawling to him and groveling. That's the state of our economy and our world right now Rep. Armey and it's sad.

Armey: I'm so glad that you could never be my wife because I surely wouldn't have to listen to that prattle from you every day.

Walsh: Well, wow that makes two of us sir, that was really an outstanding comment...

Armey: Look ma'am, you're talking like a paid political hack making your political points.

There you have it.  What a way to make your point than by being a douche!  Straight out of a Mad Men episode. 

Well kids, Mr. Armey has his own poltical aciton group called Freedom Works.   There's a comment site on the Freedom Works website to let Dick know what you feel.   So it is with great pleasure that I introduce a Douche Bomb! 

For those of you willing to participate, here's what you do.  Go to Dick's contact page at Freedom Watch here.   Then let him know precisely that he's a douche.  Like so.

Dear Dick,

You're behavior on last night's Hardball (versus Joan Walsh) shows just what kind of a douchbag you really are.

--An anti-Douche

Yes... it's just THAT easy.  Of course, feel free to be more crude if you wish.  It's time to start letting Dicks/Douches of the world know what we think of them.  Enjoy kiddos!

Douche(s) #9: House Republicans

Hey Kids,

Remember when the GOP were controlling the playground and it was "my way or the highway!" If Democrats even spoke their opinions, the pundit class would hound them as being "traitors" who don't put their country first. Do you remember all the threats and taunting thrown at everyone who was worried about TARP's effectiveness? Okay.. now keep that in mind when I tell you the 188 major-league douche bags in the House (aka- the GOP delegation) today voted against the new stimulus package.

Their reasons? Well they suddenly grew a concern for fiscal conservativeness and were worried about all that spending. They even trumped up false numbers to justify it. Oh yeah... and they wanted all those tax cuts that worked so well the past few years.

So let me put this into perspective. The last stimulus bill that they worked so hard for gave billions of dollars to bald-Paulson to do, well... whatever he wanted with it. No strings attached. He just gave it to his rich friends in the banks and they bought themselves all sorts of fancy things (for doing such a good job). That plan failed so miserably that we're having to debate a second stimulus bill. Once we have a stimulus bill aimed at invigorating the core parts of our ailing country (infrastructure, science, education, health-care, etc.) and what does the House GOP do? Theyvote against it. They must have been drinking the Limbaugh kool-aid (now fortified with oxycontin, viagra, and 100% pure bull-shit!).

Whatever, the case I'm not afraid to call this for what it is. This is putting party before country. Self interests of appearance before the needs of their constituents. It's what they would call... "treason." So I hereby nominate the House GOP a whole bunch of traitorous douches!

I hereby state my profound love for Maureen Dowd!

That fiesty vixen over at the Gray Lady has touched my heart with her rant on the rampant corporate greed that has earned a few recent posts on this blog.  

Go read the full article.  Here are a few gems:

New York’s attorney general, Andrew Cuomo, always gratifying on the issue of clawing back money from the greedy creeps on Wall Street, on Tuesday subpoenaed Thain, the former Merrill Lynch chief executive, over $4 billion in bonuses he handed out as the failing firm was bought by Bank of America.

In an interview with Maria Bartiromo on CNBC, Thain used the specious, contemptible reasoning that other executives use to rationalize why they’re keeping their bonuses as profits are plunging.

“If you don’t pay your best people, you will destroy your franchise” and they’ll go elsewhere, he said.

Hello? They destroyed the franchise. Let’s call their bluff. Let’s see what a great job market it is for the geniuses of capitalism who lost $15 billion in three months and helped usher in socialism.

...

Thain should never rise above the level of stocking the money in A.T.M.’s again. Just think: This guy could well have been Treasury secretary if John McCain had won.

Bartiromo pressed: What was wrong with the office of his predecessor, Stanley O’Neal?

“Well — his office was very different — than — the — the general décor of — Merrill’s offices,” Thain replied. “It really would have been — very difficult — for — me to use it in the form that it was in.”

Did it have a desk and a phone?

I'm with Dowd. Let's call their bluff and see how they survive in today's job market.  What kind of job does losing billions of dollars and causing massive lay-offs get you (besides ex-President of the United States, that is)?

Douche(s) #8: Bank of America, Bernie Marcus, and everyone else on the call on Oct. 17th.

Hey Kids,

Looks like we got another corporate wammy this week.  You know all those businesses that got massive amounts of bailout money last fall?  You know... the money taken from the income and payroll taxes from the labor sector of America?  Well turns out that after receive our generous gift turned around and hosted a conference call to kill a bill that would help a considerable number of laborers in the US.  

That's right.  Major league douchbag Bernie Marcus (started Home Depot and ignored the safety concerns of his own stores), corporate heads of Bank of America and AIG,  and conservative clowns like Rick Berman, all had a nice little chat on how to destroy the Employee Free Trade Act (EFTA).  The EFTA is arguably the biggest boon to labor since the New Deal and would remove many of the union-busting tactics that douchebags like Marcus have created over the last half-century.  

From HuffingtonPost: 

 

Three days after receiving $25 billion in federal bailout funds, Bank of America Corp. hosted a conference call with conservative activists and business officials to organize opposition to the U.S. labor community's top legislative priority.

Participants on the October 17 call -- including at least one representative from another bailout recipient, AIG -- were urged to persuade their clients to send "large contributions" to groups working against the Employee Free Trade Act (EFCA), as well as to vulnerable Senate Republicans, who could help block passage of the bill.

The article has links to the audio from the phone call.  It is quite revealing.

So kids, there you have it.  These clowns are willing to take billions of dollars in money from their employees' tax dollars and then turn around fight the same employees' ability to better their lives.  This is what the executive-level douchebags like Kenneth Lewis and Bernie Marcus  call "appreciation."  Mr. Burns would be proud.

Douche(s) #7: CitiGroup Executives!

Hello Kiddos,

Man was today a tough day for singling out an award winner. Between Pope Benedict reaching out to welcome back the anti-semitic fringe, torture survivor Grandpa Grumpy McCain thinking we need to "move on" from prosecuting American torturers, and Rove being his usual lying turd on the nit-wit Hannity's show, I had a hard time choosing. Unfortunately, calling the Pope a douche-bag might offend a significant (and armed) population, making fun of senile old folks is just plain improper, and well... let's face it... this isn't the worst crap we've heard from Turd Blossom and Hannity.

Luckily, I found this nice little tid-bity of douch-baggery. It appears that the dip-shits who put CitiGroup into financial crisis and flew to DC begging for a government hand out last year (probably after disparaging "welfare moms" while sipping martinis at their country club) have come up with a grand idea. After getting $45 billion in "bail-out funds," the best way these profoundly inept comunity college business majors could find to use the public-funds is to buy a $50 million private jet!

The plane, the Dassault Falcon 7X, is a luxurious jet with a range of 5,950 nautical miles (meaning it can fly from New York to all of Europe and South America, as far east as Riyadh, and as far west as Honolulu or Petropavlovsk, Russia). The Post reports it has "plush interior with leather seats, sofas and a customizable entertainment center."

The Dassault website describes the wide, generously appointed cabin, but says the "the airplane's most welcome feature may be Dassault's breakthrough environmental system." It touts "quieting acoustics" and advanced temperature monitoring that contribute to a more comfortable passenger experience.

I'm so glad these morons have come to the brilliant conclusion that, rather than increasing the liquidity of the money markets and stabilizing the them by increasing lending, the absolutely best way to use the tax-payers' money is to find a themselves sweet ride.

I say screw these douche-bags.... make the ENTIRE CitiGroup board of directors take Greyhound for all domestic travel from now on. You know, as a way of meeting all the kind folks who bought them a nice new jet.




UPDATE: Looks like the Obama Administration felt the same way and forced CitiGroup to retract their plane plans. My guess is they sent Rahmbo after them. What a nice change from the last administration, who would have encouraged CitiGroup to buy 2 planes!

How to (ungh) pick up (mprffhh) Ann (retch!) Coulter (huuurrrlll....)

For those only with the bravest of hearts and steel stomachs, CoEd Magazine has a user's guide to how to pick up the wretched Ann Coulter. The imagery alone is nauseating.

Ann’s eligibility has ignited a fierce debate amongst seasoned PUAs: how does one effectively employ Mystery’s teachings when your target is the most deranged female (who wasn’t born by Judy Garland) on the planet? Tried and true methods like negging and magic tricks are guaranteed to work on any woman no matter what, but since your target might not be entirely human, these techniques need to be adjusted accordingly in order to be 100-percent effective.

The rest is truly hilarious. Enjoy kiddos!

Douche #6: Rush Hudson Limbaugh III

Welcome back kids.

I have to say, with the dawn of the new administration the wingnuts on the right have gone straight apoplectic. The symbolic leader of the dying neo-conservative "intellectual" movement seems to be foaming at the mouth like a spoiled child (which he is) who finally got punished for being a brat (which he is). Yes, that is right, today's Daily Douche is the fat, obnoxious, drug-addled, over-privileged, verbal-whore who calls himself Rush Hudson Limbaugh the Third.

"Why?" You ask? Well, lets just say that Rushie's latest little hissy fits have shown his true, and horrifically ugly, colors. Need some examples? Well, here are just a few to come out lately.

• His only stated reason for opposing the Obama administration's stimulus package is because he's afraid it will hurt the GOP chances in the upcoming mid-term election. Way to follow you're candidate's election slogan "Country First" Rushworth.

• Rushie, in all his 70-pt IQ glory, thinks that Americans are only hoping to have Obama succeed because his father was black. Just like he thought we all were routing for Donovan McNabb because he is black. Listen Rushworth, we support guys like Obama and McNabb because they're good at what they do and, unlike your lazy ass, they actually do something useful.

• Mr. Oxycontin also openly stated that he hopes that Obama "fails." His only justification for this treasonous language is that "liberals" hoped the same thing for Bush. Well a little bit of information to get through your enormous skull you troglodyte... none of us hoped Bush failed. We were all hoping he WOULDN'T fail so miserably because we all had to deal with the consequences.

• Finally, the man who unabashedly displays his own ignorant racist views had the moment of brilliance to announce that racism is the "exclusive province of the left." Okay, we all know you're a college drop out, but with such shallow ineptitude of historical knowledge, how the hell did you graduate high-school? Where you frigging home-schooled??? Remind me again of the political views of Strom Thurmond, George Wallace, and David Duke? Oh yeah... they're right-wing Republicans like you.

Here's an idea Rush. If you got your head out of your ass, maybe it's gigantic size wouldn't be constraining your prostate and you wouldn't need medications to get your limp dick up when you're with under-aged prostitutes in Dominican Republic. If actually got off said fat ass and did something useful instead of just talk, you'd lose some weight, appear like a normal human being, and perhaps not have to pay for sex. Just a suggestion.

So all things aside, it is with great honor that I bestow today's Daily Douche on Rush Hudson Limbaugh the III, False Profit of the Ignorant, Leader of the Damned, Follower of the Limp Penis.

One Month Hiatus is over....

Hey Kids,

Well this is it... I'm back from the break.  Work woes kept me from my rants, but it seems like the douchebags came out in FORCE in my absence.   It seems like my work is never done.

Emergency Douche Post: A Dick Alert

Attention Kids: I'm going to have to issue an emergency post on the Daily Douche. From here on out, these shall be known as Dick Alerts in honor of our first recipient.

Dick Cheney (the man who TRULY lives up to his namesake), has recently announced that "Guantanamo has been run very well." This can mean one of either two things.

a) Dick has been living with his head in the sand for the past 7 years and somehow missed the Red Cross' reports detailing how horrible that place is.

or

b) Dick is truly a crass heartless traitor to humanity who probably admired dictators like Saddam for their draconian laws and punishments.

So which is it Dick? Are you an idiot or an asshole?

And where's my shoe?!

Douche #5: Sean Hannity

Hey Kids,

Today's Douche is nominated not because of anything in particular he has done today, more but as kind of a life-time achievement Douche award thanks to the folks over at Media Matters.  That's right, their winner is none other than Mr. I-talk-with-a-whiney-quasi-south-Boston-accent-so-you-wont-know-I-am-a-spoiled-rich-kid Sean Hannity (ding ding ding!).  Mr. Hannity was recently given the Misinformer of the Year award by MM for his numerous lies through the 2008 campaign.  

Who could forget such favorites as:

Trying to tie Obama to the Nation of Islam (to a racist like Sean, all African Americans are all the same)

Claiming Obama is the "most liberal senator".  Oddly the same label he applied to Kerry in 2004.  Apparently the Democratic party will only nominate the fringe elements to Mr. Insanity.

Bringing on noted racist and coward Andy Martin to throw dirt that anyone else would be sued for.

There are many others in the Media Matters report. It's a fun and frustrating read. I highly recommend it.  It paints the picture of a schoolyard bully who hides behind his Fox News podium to lie, cheat, and smear in order to make himself appear tough.

So let's all raise our shoes to the dishonerable, cowardly (come on... no replacement for the weak Colmes?), spoiled, rich turd that goes by the name Sean Hannity.  Ready.  Aim.  Shoe!

Douche #4: Heath Campbell (A Double Douche Winner)

Okay kids,  you're going to have to see this one to believe it.  

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081217/ap_on_fe_st/odd_hitler_cake

Today's Douche is a 35-year old New Jersey man named Heath Campbell.  Heath is a family man, with three beautiful children, a loving wife who's a decade his junior, and well... racist, hateful ideologies that he thrusts upon his kids in an almost immoral way and thus ruins their birthday.  

You see, Heath had the grand idea of naming his young boy Adolf Hitler Campbell.  That's right, he gave his little boy the first AND last name of an infamous, racist, genocidal maniac.  When he went into RiteAid to get his little boy a birthday cake with his name on it, RiteAid refused, rightfully saying it was offensive.  Well now the Cambells (who's other children's names are JoyceLynn Aryan Nation  and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie) are throwing a fuss saying that RiteAid ruined their child's birthday.  The intellect busting 70-point IQ couple justified naming little Adolf by saying:

"They need to accept a name. A name's a name. The kid isn't going to grow up and do what (Hitler) did."

Brilliant.   Tell that to the survivors of the Holocaust (which the Campbells don't believe happened) and the descendants of those survivors.  

So today I'm giving Heath Campbell the first ever "Double Douche" award.  First Douche for thrusting your racist ideologies on your child by naming him Adolf Hitler (I hope he grows up an ACLU lawyer!).  Second Douche for being such an idiot as to not understand people's visceral reaction to it (hey, that's what you were looking for when you named your children after the Third Reich).

UPDATE: Crooks and Liars has more on this.

Douche #3: Muntadar al-Zeidi (a.k.a. The shoe thrower)

Muntadar al-Zeidi get's today's award.  Not because he threw his shoes at Dear Leader, but because of his aim!  We gotta bring baseball to Iraq so guys like al-Zeidi can learn how to throw!

Corruption vs. Republican: An interesting correlation

(Cross-posted with Scientia Publica)

Hey Kids,

Okay. I know this isn't a shameless, juvenile attack on some idiot douchebag (like my usual MO), but I thought this was interesting.  Hell, if I'm right here I might have to start going plural in my Daily Douche award.

USA Today has a graphic showing the most corrupt states in the US.  From the article:

On a per-capita basis, however, Illinois ranks 18th for the number of public corruption convictions the federal government has won from 1998 through 2007, according to a USA TODAY analysis of Department of Justice statistics.

Louisiana, Alaska and North Dakota all fared worse than the Land of Lincoln in that analysis.

If you look at their map and compare it to this year's election results, you notice a correlation stand emerge.  The "top-tier" corrupt states overwhelmingly went for McCain (10/16) and tend to be more Red in general.  In fact, if my numbers are correct, the 2008 Red States had an average of 3.93 (+/- 2.34 standard deviation) convictions per 10,000 people.  In contrast, Blue states had only 2.72 (+/- 1.31) convictions.   That's 44% more convictions in Red States than Blue.

Now being trained in statistics, I involuntarily react to these comparisons by saying "correlation does not equal causation!"  So I'm willing to take this with a grain of salt.  It could be that Red States just get more convictions, but given the current state of the Department of Justice, I think not. 

Douche #2: Michael Weiner "Savage"

Hello kids. Welcome to another addition of the Daily Douches.

Today's star is one to expect many times in the future. He hates liberals, minorities, muslims, kids with autism, and homosexuals. His hate towards these groups is even more ironic for a man who lives in the hills of Oakland California. The Bay Area is rife with liberals, minorities, muslims, autistic kids, and homosexuals... in fact I'm sure there's an autistic-gay-black-muslim who votes for the Green Party living somewhere in the Bay Area. It's like he is a glutton for punishment or something.

Being born Michael Alan Weiner, Dr. Weiner changed his name some time ago to Michael Savage in an apparent attempt to sound more tough and masculine in an attempt to mask his own covert homosexual experiences. Yeah right... and he watches the men's Olympic diving competition for just for the sportsmanship.

Michael makes today's report by adding women to his list of hated "others" with his stupid statement made on his radio show that "any heterosexual woman today over the age of 25 who grew up in America is basically a dominatrix." Dr. Weiner apparently feels that independent, strong women are no different than women paid to indulge some mens' submissive fetishes.

Honestly, I feel bad for even putting Michael on the list because it's obvious that this man has slipped into an advanced form of demented insanity, probably related to his advanced age, history of drug experimentation in the 60s, and fight with his closeted homosexual tendencies (just admit it Mike and you'll feel a whole lot better about things). But before he dies of a stress-induced heart-attack during these Obama years, I figured that I would ad him to the list.

PS- Keep an eye out for "Douche Bombs" (think Google Bombs but with an email twist) in the future kiddos. Methinks Dr. Weiner will be one of the first recipients.

Douche #1: John Ziegler

Welcome to the first post of The Daily Douches.  An online blog dedicating to pointing out all the douchebags that inhabit our society.  If you're listed as a douche and don't like it... go cry home to mama!

Today's douche (a.k.a.- Douchebag #1) is the right wing moron John Ziegler.  Ziegler is famous for talking out his ass most of the time and uses the Hannity-esque (future Douchebag on this blog) approach of talking over his opponents when he loses an argument.  

John recently had an all out argument with Nate Silver at 538 about a "poll" he contucted investigating the knowledge of Obama voters.  John's goal was to make Obama voters look uneducated about modern issues by asking misleading questions.  He did this basically as a way of making money by selling his "documentary" about the 2008 campaign.  Reading John's poll reveals that he was more concerned about how Republican talking points stuck to Obama voters.  Nate called him on it and Ziegler, the little douchebag, got a little testy (saying "go f%&@ yourself" is not healthy dialogue John). 

Now, I'll be honest.  I like Nate Silver's style and approach.  As someone trained in statistics, I like the rigorous and detailed way that Nate approaches data, whether it be baseball or political polls.  He's a pragmatist more than a hack.  The same cannot be said for John.  Instead John revels in ridicule and slander.  

Case in point.  If you can stomach it, check out this video of a "debate" between John and Nate.  Notice that Nate brings up specific problems whereas Douchbag #1 simply attacks Nate (and all "liberals") on a personal level.   

Why is it that a noted and accomplished statistician and pollwatcher is paired on equal playing ground with someone who just talks for a living and openly admits to having a strong political bias in his "thought" processes?  One of these two men has an IQ of below 70.  I'll let you take a gander as to who, but here's a hit... it's not Nate.