Douche(s) #9: House Republicans

Hey Kids,

Remember when the GOP were controlling the playground and it was "my way or the highway!" If Democrats even spoke their opinions, the pundit class would hound them as being "traitors" who don't put their country first. Do you remember all the threats and taunting thrown at everyone who was worried about TARP's effectiveness? Okay.. now keep that in mind when I tell you the 188 major-league douche bags in the House (aka- the GOP delegation) today voted against the new stimulus package.

Their reasons? Well they suddenly grew a concern for fiscal conservativeness and were worried about all that spending. They even trumped up false numbers to justify it. Oh yeah... and they wanted all those tax cuts that worked so well the past few years.

So let me put this into perspective. The last stimulus bill that they worked so hard for gave billions of dollars to bald-Paulson to do, well... whatever he wanted with it. No strings attached. He just gave it to his rich friends in the banks and they bought themselves all sorts of fancy things (for doing such a good job). That plan failed so miserably that we're having to debate a second stimulus bill. Once we have a stimulus bill aimed at invigorating the core parts of our ailing country (infrastructure, science, education, health-care, etc.) and what does the House GOP do? Theyvote against it. They must have been drinking the Limbaugh kool-aid (now fortified with oxycontin, viagra, and 100% pure bull-shit!).

Whatever, the case I'm not afraid to call this for what it is. This is putting party before country. Self interests of appearance before the needs of their constituents. It's what they would call... "treason." So I hereby nominate the House GOP a whole bunch of traitorous douches!

Douche(s) #8: Bank of America, Bernie Marcus, and everyone else on the call on Oct. 17th.

Hey Kids,

Looks like we got another corporate wammy this week.  You know all those businesses that got massive amounts of bailout money last fall?  You know... the money taken from the income and payroll taxes from the labor sector of America?  Well turns out that after receive our generous gift turned around and hosted a conference call to kill a bill that would help a considerable number of laborers in the US.  

That's right.  Major league douchbag Bernie Marcus (started Home Depot and ignored the safety concerns of his own stores), corporate heads of Bank of America and AIG,  and conservative clowns like Rick Berman, all had a nice little chat on how to destroy the Employee Free Trade Act (EFTA).  The EFTA is arguably the biggest boon to labor since the New Deal and would remove many of the union-busting tactics that douchebags like Marcus have created over the last half-century.  

From HuffingtonPost: 

 

Three days after receiving $25 billion in federal bailout funds, Bank of America Corp. hosted a conference call with conservative activists and business officials to organize opposition to the U.S. labor community's top legislative priority.

Participants on the October 17 call -- including at least one representative from another bailout recipient, AIG -- were urged to persuade their clients to send "large contributions" to groups working against the Employee Free Trade Act (EFCA), as well as to vulnerable Senate Republicans, who could help block passage of the bill.

The article has links to the audio from the phone call.  It is quite revealing.

So kids, there you have it.  These clowns are willing to take billions of dollars in money from their employees' tax dollars and then turn around fight the same employees' ability to better their lives.  This is what the executive-level douchebags like Kenneth Lewis and Bernie Marcus  call "appreciation."  Mr. Burns would be proud.

Douche(s) #7: CitiGroup Executives!

Hello Kiddos,

Man was today a tough day for singling out an award winner. Between Pope Benedict reaching out to welcome back the anti-semitic fringe, torture survivor Grandpa Grumpy McCain thinking we need to "move on" from prosecuting American torturers, and Rove being his usual lying turd on the nit-wit Hannity's show, I had a hard time choosing. Unfortunately, calling the Pope a douche-bag might offend a significant (and armed) population, making fun of senile old folks is just plain improper, and well... let's face it... this isn't the worst crap we've heard from Turd Blossom and Hannity.

Luckily, I found this nice little tid-bity of douch-baggery. It appears that the dip-shits who put CitiGroup into financial crisis and flew to DC begging for a government hand out last year (probably after disparaging "welfare moms" while sipping martinis at their country club) have come up with a grand idea. After getting $45 billion in "bail-out funds," the best way these profoundly inept comunity college business majors could find to use the public-funds is to buy a $50 million private jet!

The plane, the Dassault Falcon 7X, is a luxurious jet with a range of 5,950 nautical miles (meaning it can fly from New York to all of Europe and South America, as far east as Riyadh, and as far west as Honolulu or Petropavlovsk, Russia). The Post reports it has "plush interior with leather seats, sofas and a customizable entertainment center."

The Dassault website describes the wide, generously appointed cabin, but says the "the airplane's most welcome feature may be Dassault's breakthrough environmental system." It touts "quieting acoustics" and advanced temperature monitoring that contribute to a more comfortable passenger experience.

I'm so glad these morons have come to the brilliant conclusion that, rather than increasing the liquidity of the money markets and stabilizing the them by increasing lending, the absolutely best way to use the tax-payers' money is to find a themselves sweet ride.

I say screw these douche-bags.... make the ENTIRE CitiGroup board of directors take Greyhound for all domestic travel from now on. You know, as a way of meeting all the kind folks who bought them a nice new jet.




UPDATE: Looks like the Obama Administration felt the same way and forced CitiGroup to retract their plane plans. My guess is they sent Rahmbo after them. What a nice change from the last administration, who would have encouraged CitiGroup to buy 2 planes!

Douche #6: Rush Hudson Limbaugh III

Welcome back kids.

I have to say, with the dawn of the new administration the wingnuts on the right have gone straight apoplectic. The symbolic leader of the dying neo-conservative "intellectual" movement seems to be foaming at the mouth like a spoiled child (which he is) who finally got punished for being a brat (which he is). Yes, that is right, today's Daily Douche is the fat, obnoxious, drug-addled, over-privileged, verbal-whore who calls himself Rush Hudson Limbaugh the Third.

"Why?" You ask? Well, lets just say that Rushie's latest little hissy fits have shown his true, and horrifically ugly, colors. Need some examples? Well, here are just a few to come out lately.

• His only stated reason for opposing the Obama administration's stimulus package is because he's afraid it will hurt the GOP chances in the upcoming mid-term election. Way to follow you're candidate's election slogan "Country First" Rushworth.

• Rushie, in all his 70-pt IQ glory, thinks that Americans are only hoping to have Obama succeed because his father was black. Just like he thought we all were routing for Donovan McNabb because he is black. Listen Rushworth, we support guys like Obama and McNabb because they're good at what they do and, unlike your lazy ass, they actually do something useful.

• Mr. Oxycontin also openly stated that he hopes that Obama "fails." His only justification for this treasonous language is that "liberals" hoped the same thing for Bush. Well a little bit of information to get through your enormous skull you troglodyte... none of us hoped Bush failed. We were all hoping he WOULDN'T fail so miserably because we all had to deal with the consequences.

• Finally, the man who unabashedly displays his own ignorant racist views had the moment of brilliance to announce that racism is the "exclusive province of the left." Okay, we all know you're a college drop out, but with such shallow ineptitude of historical knowledge, how the hell did you graduate high-school? Where you frigging home-schooled??? Remind me again of the political views of Strom Thurmond, George Wallace, and David Duke? Oh yeah... they're right-wing Republicans like you.

Here's an idea Rush. If you got your head out of your ass, maybe it's gigantic size wouldn't be constraining your prostate and you wouldn't need medications to get your limp dick up when you're with under-aged prostitutes in Dominican Republic. If actually got off said fat ass and did something useful instead of just talk, you'd lose some weight, appear like a normal human being, and perhaps not have to pay for sex. Just a suggestion.

So all things aside, it is with great honor that I bestow today's Daily Douche on Rush Hudson Limbaugh the III, False Profit of the Ignorant, Leader of the Damned, Follower of the Limp Penis.

Douche #5: Sean Hannity

Hey Kids,

Today's Douche is nominated not because of anything in particular he has done today, more but as kind of a life-time achievement Douche award thanks to the folks over at Media Matters.  That's right, their winner is none other than Mr. I-talk-with-a-whiney-quasi-south-Boston-accent-so-you-wont-know-I-am-a-spoiled-rich-kid Sean Hannity (ding ding ding!).  Mr. Hannity was recently given the Misinformer of the Year award by MM for his numerous lies through the 2008 campaign.  

Who could forget such favorites as:

Trying to tie Obama to the Nation of Islam (to a racist like Sean, all African Americans are all the same)

Claiming Obama is the "most liberal senator".  Oddly the same label he applied to Kerry in 2004.  Apparently the Democratic party will only nominate the fringe elements to Mr. Insanity.

Bringing on noted racist and coward Andy Martin to throw dirt that anyone else would be sued for.

There are many others in the Media Matters report. It's a fun and frustrating read. I highly recommend it.  It paints the picture of a schoolyard bully who hides behind his Fox News podium to lie, cheat, and smear in order to make himself appear tough.

So let's all raise our shoes to the dishonerable, cowardly (come on... no replacement for the weak Colmes?), spoiled, rich turd that goes by the name Sean Hannity.  Ready.  Aim.  Shoe!

Douche #4: Heath Campbell (A Double Douche Winner)

Okay kids,  you're going to have to see this one to believe it.  

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081217/ap_on_fe_st/odd_hitler_cake

Today's Douche is a 35-year old New Jersey man named Heath Campbell.  Heath is a family man, with three beautiful children, a loving wife who's a decade his junior, and well... racist, hateful ideologies that he thrusts upon his kids in an almost immoral way and thus ruins their birthday.  

You see, Heath had the grand idea of naming his young boy Adolf Hitler Campbell.  That's right, he gave his little boy the first AND last name of an infamous, racist, genocidal maniac.  When he went into RiteAid to get his little boy a birthday cake with his name on it, RiteAid refused, rightfully saying it was offensive.  Well now the Cambells (who's other children's names are JoyceLynn Aryan Nation  and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie) are throwing a fuss saying that RiteAid ruined their child's birthday.  The intellect busting 70-point IQ couple justified naming little Adolf by saying:

"They need to accept a name. A name's a name. The kid isn't going to grow up and do what (Hitler) did."

Brilliant.   Tell that to the survivors of the Holocaust (which the Campbells don't believe happened) and the descendants of those survivors.  

So today I'm giving Heath Campbell the first ever "Double Douche" award.  First Douche for thrusting your racist ideologies on your child by naming him Adolf Hitler (I hope he grows up an ACLU lawyer!).  Second Douche for being such an idiot as to not understand people's visceral reaction to it (hey, that's what you were looking for when you named your children after the Third Reich).

UPDATE: Crooks and Liars has more on this.

Douche #3: Muntadar al-Zeidi (a.k.a. The shoe thrower)

Muntadar al-Zeidi get's today's award.  Not because he threw his shoes at Dear Leader, but because of his aim!  We gotta bring baseball to Iraq so guys like al-Zeidi can learn how to throw!

Douche #2: Michael Weiner "Savage"

Hello kids. Welcome to another addition of the Daily Douches.

Today's star is one to expect many times in the future. He hates liberals, minorities, muslims, kids with autism, and homosexuals. His hate towards these groups is even more ironic for a man who lives in the hills of Oakland California. The Bay Area is rife with liberals, minorities, muslims, autistic kids, and homosexuals... in fact I'm sure there's an autistic-gay-black-muslim who votes for the Green Party living somewhere in the Bay Area. It's like he is a glutton for punishment or something.

Being born Michael Alan Weiner, Dr. Weiner changed his name some time ago to Michael Savage in an apparent attempt to sound more tough and masculine in an attempt to mask his own covert homosexual experiences. Yeah right... and he watches the men's Olympic diving competition for just for the sportsmanship.

Michael makes today's report by adding women to his list of hated "others" with his stupid statement made on his radio show that "any heterosexual woman today over the age of 25 who grew up in America is basically a dominatrix." Dr. Weiner apparently feels that independent, strong women are no different than women paid to indulge some mens' submissive fetishes.

Honestly, I feel bad for even putting Michael on the list because it's obvious that this man has slipped into an advanced form of demented insanity, probably related to his advanced age, history of drug experimentation in the 60s, and fight with his closeted homosexual tendencies (just admit it Mike and you'll feel a whole lot better about things). But before he dies of a stress-induced heart-attack during these Obama years, I figured that I would ad him to the list.

PS- Keep an eye out for "Douche Bombs" (think Google Bombs but with an email twist) in the future kiddos. Methinks Dr. Weiner will be one of the first recipients.

Douche #1: John Ziegler

Welcome to the first post of The Daily Douches.  An online blog dedicating to pointing out all the douchebags that inhabit our society.  If you're listed as a douche and don't like it... go cry home to mama!

Today's douche (a.k.a.- Douchebag #1) is the right wing moron John Ziegler.  Ziegler is famous for talking out his ass most of the time and uses the Hannity-esque (future Douchebag on this blog) approach of talking over his opponents when he loses an argument.  

John recently had an all out argument with Nate Silver at 538 about a "poll" he contucted investigating the knowledge of Obama voters.  John's goal was to make Obama voters look uneducated about modern issues by asking misleading questions.  He did this basically as a way of making money by selling his "documentary" about the 2008 campaign.  Reading John's poll reveals that he was more concerned about how Republican talking points stuck to Obama voters.  Nate called him on it and Ziegler, the little douchebag, got a little testy (saying "go f%&@ yourself" is not healthy dialogue John). 

Now, I'll be honest.  I like Nate Silver's style and approach.  As someone trained in statistics, I like the rigorous and detailed way that Nate approaches data, whether it be baseball or political polls.  He's a pragmatist more than a hack.  The same cannot be said for John.  Instead John revels in ridicule and slander.  

Case in point.  If you can stomach it, check out this video of a "debate" between John and Nate.  Notice that Nate brings up specific problems whereas Douchbag #1 simply attacks Nate (and all "liberals") on a personal level.   

Why is it that a noted and accomplished statistician and pollwatcher is paired on equal playing ground with someone who just talks for a living and openly admits to having a strong political bias in his "thought" processes?  One of these two men has an IQ of below 70.  I'll let you take a gander as to who, but here's a hit... it's not Nate.