Douche(s) #9: House Republicans

Hey Kids,

Remember when the GOP were controlling the playground and it was "my way or the highway!" If Democrats even spoke their opinions, the pundit class would hound them as being "traitors" who don't put their country first. Do you remember all the threats and taunting thrown at everyone who was worried about TARP's effectiveness? Okay.. now keep that in mind when I tell you the 188 major-league douche bags in the House (aka- the GOP delegation) today voted against the new stimulus package.

Their reasons? Well they suddenly grew a concern for fiscal conservativeness and were worried about all that spending. They even trumped up false numbers to justify it. Oh yeah... and they wanted all those tax cuts that worked so well the past few years.

So let me put this into perspective. The last stimulus bill that they worked so hard for gave billions of dollars to bald-Paulson to do, well... whatever he wanted with it. No strings attached. He just gave it to his rich friends in the banks and they bought themselves all sorts of fancy things (for doing such a good job). That plan failed so miserably that we're having to debate a second stimulus bill. Once we have a stimulus bill aimed at invigorating the core parts of our ailing country (infrastructure, science, education, health-care, etc.) and what does the House GOP do? Theyvote against it. They must have been drinking the Limbaugh kool-aid (now fortified with oxycontin, viagra, and 100% pure bull-shit!).

Whatever, the case I'm not afraid to call this for what it is. This is putting party before country. Self interests of appearance before the needs of their constituents. It's what they would call... "treason." So I hereby nominate the House GOP a whole bunch of traitorous douches!

Douche(s) #8: Bank of America, Bernie Marcus, and everyone else on the call on Oct. 17th.

Hey Kids,

Looks like we got another corporate wammy this week.  You know all those businesses that got massive amounts of bailout money last fall?  You know... the money taken from the income and payroll taxes from the labor sector of America?  Well turns out that after receive our generous gift turned around and hosted a conference call to kill a bill that would help a considerable number of laborers in the US.  

That's right.  Major league douchbag Bernie Marcus (started Home Depot and ignored the safety concerns of his own stores), corporate heads of Bank of America and AIG,  and conservative clowns like Rick Berman, all had a nice little chat on how to destroy the Employee Free Trade Act (EFTA).  The EFTA is arguably the biggest boon to labor since the New Deal and would remove many of the union-busting tactics that douchebags like Marcus have created over the last half-century.  

From HuffingtonPost: 

 

Three days after receiving $25 billion in federal bailout funds, Bank of America Corp. hosted a conference call with conservative activists and business officials to organize opposition to the U.S. labor community's top legislative priority.

Participants on the October 17 call -- including at least one representative from another bailout recipient, AIG -- were urged to persuade their clients to send "large contributions" to groups working against the Employee Free Trade Act (EFCA), as well as to vulnerable Senate Republicans, who could help block passage of the bill.

The article has links to the audio from the phone call.  It is quite revealing.

So kids, there you have it.  These clowns are willing to take billions of dollars in money from their employees' tax dollars and then turn around fight the same employees' ability to better their lives.  This is what the executive-level douchebags like Kenneth Lewis and Bernie Marcus  call "appreciation."  Mr. Burns would be proud.

Douche(s) #7: CitiGroup Executives!

Hello Kiddos,

Man was today a tough day for singling out an award winner. Between Pope Benedict reaching out to welcome back the anti-semitic fringe, torture survivor Grandpa Grumpy McCain thinking we need to "move on" from prosecuting American torturers, and Rove being his usual lying turd on the nit-wit Hannity's show, I had a hard time choosing. Unfortunately, calling the Pope a douche-bag might offend a significant (and armed) population, making fun of senile old folks is just plain improper, and well... let's face it... this isn't the worst crap we've heard from Turd Blossom and Hannity.

Luckily, I found this nice little tid-bity of douch-baggery. It appears that the dip-shits who put CitiGroup into financial crisis and flew to DC begging for a government hand out last year (probably after disparaging "welfare moms" while sipping martinis at their country club) have come up with a grand idea. After getting $45 billion in "bail-out funds," the best way these profoundly inept comunity college business majors could find to use the public-funds is to buy a $50 million private jet!

The plane, the Dassault Falcon 7X, is a luxurious jet with a range of 5,950 nautical miles (meaning it can fly from New York to all of Europe and South America, as far east as Riyadh, and as far west as Honolulu or Petropavlovsk, Russia). The Post reports it has "plush interior with leather seats, sofas and a customizable entertainment center."

The Dassault website describes the wide, generously appointed cabin, but says the "the airplane's most welcome feature may be Dassault's breakthrough environmental system." It touts "quieting acoustics" and advanced temperature monitoring that contribute to a more comfortable passenger experience.

I'm so glad these morons have come to the brilliant conclusion that, rather than increasing the liquidity of the money markets and stabilizing the them by increasing lending, the absolutely best way to use the tax-payers' money is to find a themselves sweet ride.

I say screw these douche-bags.... make the ENTIRE CitiGroup board of directors take Greyhound for all domestic travel from now on. You know, as a way of meeting all the kind folks who bought them a nice new jet.




UPDATE: Looks like the Obama Administration felt the same way and forced CitiGroup to retract their plane plans. My guess is they sent Rahmbo after them. What a nice change from the last administration, who would have encouraged CitiGroup to buy 2 planes!