Emergency Douche Post: A Dick Alert

Attention Kids: I'm going to have to issue an emergency post on the Daily Douche. From here on out, these shall be known as Dick Alerts in honor of our first recipient.

Dick Cheney (the man who TRULY lives up to his namesake), has recently announced that "Guantanamo has been run very well." This can mean one of either two things.

a) Dick has been living with his head in the sand for the past 7 years and somehow missed the Red Cross' reports detailing how horrible that place is.

or

b) Dick is truly a crass heartless traitor to humanity who probably admired dictators like Saddam for their draconian laws and punishments.

So which is it Dick? Are you an idiot or an asshole?

And where's my shoe?!

Douche #5: Sean Hannity

Hey Kids,

Today's Douche is nominated not because of anything in particular he has done today, more but as kind of a life-time achievement Douche award thanks to the folks over at Media Matters.  That's right, their winner is none other than Mr. I-talk-with-a-whiney-quasi-south-Boston-accent-so-you-wont-know-I-am-a-spoiled-rich-kid Sean Hannity (ding ding ding!).  Mr. Hannity was recently given the Misinformer of the Year award by MM for his numerous lies through the 2008 campaign.  

Who could forget such favorites as:

Trying to tie Obama to the Nation of Islam (to a racist like Sean, all African Americans are all the same)

Claiming Obama is the "most liberal senator".  Oddly the same label he applied to Kerry in 2004.  Apparently the Democratic party will only nominate the fringe elements to Mr. Insanity.

Bringing on noted racist and coward Andy Martin to throw dirt that anyone else would be sued for.

There are many others in the Media Matters report. It's a fun and frustrating read. I highly recommend it.  It paints the picture of a schoolyard bully who hides behind his Fox News podium to lie, cheat, and smear in order to make himself appear tough.

So let's all raise our shoes to the dishonerable, cowardly (come on... no replacement for the weak Colmes?), spoiled, rich turd that goes by the name Sean Hannity.  Ready.  Aim.  Shoe!

Douche #4: Heath Campbell (A Double Douche Winner)

Okay kids,  you're going to have to see this one to believe it.  

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081217/ap_on_fe_st/odd_hitler_cake

Today's Douche is a 35-year old New Jersey man named Heath Campbell.  Heath is a family man, with three beautiful children, a loving wife who's a decade his junior, and well... racist, hateful ideologies that he thrusts upon his kids in an almost immoral way and thus ruins their birthday.  

You see, Heath had the grand idea of naming his young boy Adolf Hitler Campbell.  That's right, he gave his little boy the first AND last name of an infamous, racist, genocidal maniac.  When he went into RiteAid to get his little boy a birthday cake with his name on it, RiteAid refused, rightfully saying it was offensive.  Well now the Cambells (who's other children's names are JoyceLynn Aryan Nation  and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie) are throwing a fuss saying that RiteAid ruined their child's birthday.  The intellect busting 70-point IQ couple justified naming little Adolf by saying:

"They need to accept a name. A name's a name. The kid isn't going to grow up and do what (Hitler) did."

Brilliant.   Tell that to the survivors of the Holocaust (which the Campbells don't believe happened) and the descendants of those survivors.  

So today I'm giving Heath Campbell the first ever "Double Douche" award.  First Douche for thrusting your racist ideologies on your child by naming him Adolf Hitler (I hope he grows up an ACLU lawyer!).  Second Douche for being such an idiot as to not understand people's visceral reaction to it (hey, that's what you were looking for when you named your children after the Third Reich).

UPDATE: Crooks and Liars has more on this.

Douche #3: Muntadar al-Zeidi (a.k.a. The shoe thrower)

Muntadar al-Zeidi get's today's award.  Not because he threw his shoes at Dear Leader, but because of his aim!  We gotta bring baseball to Iraq so guys like al-Zeidi can learn how to throw!

Corruption vs. Republican: An interesting correlation

(Cross-posted with Scientia Publica)

Hey Kids,

Okay. I know this isn't a shameless, juvenile attack on some idiot douchebag (like my usual MO), but I thought this was interesting.  Hell, if I'm right here I might have to start going plural in my Daily Douche award.

USA Today has a graphic showing the most corrupt states in the US.  From the article:

On a per-capita basis, however, Illinois ranks 18th for the number of public corruption convictions the federal government has won from 1998 through 2007, according to a USA TODAY analysis of Department of Justice statistics.

Louisiana, Alaska and North Dakota all fared worse than the Land of Lincoln in that analysis.

If you look at their map and compare it to this year's election results, you notice a correlation stand emerge.  The "top-tier" corrupt states overwhelmingly went for McCain (10/16) and tend to be more Red in general.  In fact, if my numbers are correct, the 2008 Red States had an average of 3.93 (+/- 2.34 standard deviation) convictions per 10,000 people.  In contrast, Blue states had only 2.72 (+/- 1.31) convictions.   That's 44% more convictions in Red States than Blue.

Now being trained in statistics, I involuntarily react to these comparisons by saying "correlation does not equal causation!"  So I'm willing to take this with a grain of salt.  It could be that Red States just get more convictions, but given the current state of the Department of Justice, I think not. 

Douche #2: Michael Weiner "Savage"

Hello kids. Welcome to another addition of the Daily Douches.

Today's star is one to expect many times in the future. He hates liberals, minorities, muslims, kids with autism, and homosexuals. His hate towards these groups is even more ironic for a man who lives in the hills of Oakland California. The Bay Area is rife with liberals, minorities, muslims, autistic kids, and homosexuals... in fact I'm sure there's an autistic-gay-black-muslim who votes for the Green Party living somewhere in the Bay Area. It's like he is a glutton for punishment or something.

Being born Michael Alan Weiner, Dr. Weiner changed his name some time ago to Michael Savage in an apparent attempt to sound more tough and masculine in an attempt to mask his own covert homosexual experiences. Yeah right... and he watches the men's Olympic diving competition for just for the sportsmanship.

Michael makes today's report by adding women to his list of hated "others" with his stupid statement made on his radio show that "any heterosexual woman today over the age of 25 who grew up in America is basically a dominatrix." Dr. Weiner apparently feels that independent, strong women are no different than women paid to indulge some mens' submissive fetishes.

Honestly, I feel bad for even putting Michael on the list because it's obvious that this man has slipped into an advanced form of demented insanity, probably related to his advanced age, history of drug experimentation in the 60s, and fight with his closeted homosexual tendencies (just admit it Mike and you'll feel a whole lot better about things). But before he dies of a stress-induced heart-attack during these Obama years, I figured that I would ad him to the list.

PS- Keep an eye out for "Douche Bombs" (think Google Bombs but with an email twist) in the future kiddos. Methinks Dr. Weiner will be one of the first recipients.

Douche #1: John Ziegler

Welcome to the first post of The Daily Douches.  An online blog dedicating to pointing out all the douchebags that inhabit our society.  If you're listed as a douche and don't like it... go cry home to mama!

Today's douche (a.k.a.- Douchebag #1) is the right wing moron John Ziegler.  Ziegler is famous for talking out his ass most of the time and uses the Hannity-esque (future Douchebag on this blog) approach of talking over his opponents when he loses an argument.  

John recently had an all out argument with Nate Silver at 538 about a "poll" he contucted investigating the knowledge of Obama voters.  John's goal was to make Obama voters look uneducated about modern issues by asking misleading questions.  He did this basically as a way of making money by selling his "documentary" about the 2008 campaign.  Reading John's poll reveals that he was more concerned about how Republican talking points stuck to Obama voters.  Nate called him on it and Ziegler, the little douchebag, got a little testy (saying "go f%&@ yourself" is not healthy dialogue John). 

Now, I'll be honest.  I like Nate Silver's style and approach.  As someone trained in statistics, I like the rigorous and detailed way that Nate approaches data, whether it be baseball or political polls.  He's a pragmatist more than a hack.  The same cannot be said for John.  Instead John revels in ridicule and slander.  

Case in point.  If you can stomach it, check out this video of a "debate" between John and Nate.  Notice that Nate brings up specific problems whereas Douchbag #1 simply attacks Nate (and all "liberals") on a personal level.   

Why is it that a noted and accomplished statistician and pollwatcher is paired on equal playing ground with someone who just talks for a living and openly admits to having a strong political bias in his "thought" processes?  One of these two men has an IQ of below 70.  I'll let you take a gander as to who, but here's a hit... it's not Nate.